Many people would describe themselves as shy or having low self-confidence. They do not feel that they are necessarily a bad person but are unsure that others will value them. There is a lack of trust in their abilities, their qualities and their judgement.
Some people have always lacked self-confidence for others an event or events have changed their self-confidence (bullying is a common experience that damages our self-confidence). When our sell-confidence is low then we can start to avoid situations or people where we perceive that we will feel bad or at risk.
Yet self-confidence can open up our lives it can help us to experience new things and meet new people. In some respects to take a risk and try something new requires some degree of self-confidence. So if you feel that you are lacking self-confidence or you are shy are there practical things that you can do to make a difference.
Perhaps the first thing to say and acknowledge about self-confidence is that it is more like a skill than anything else so practice makes it easier and better. There can be little doubt that at the start it will be a challenge to talk to new people, but the more often you do it the easier it will become, the more tricks and methods you will find of handling situations.
The next most important thing to realise is that you are going to make mistakes, some of the time you are going to get it wrong. That’s okay, you are human and that is how we learn, so learn from the mistake and move on, you will be better next time. No one was born a concert pianist! A little compassion for your mistakes will go a long way in building self-confidence.
Look the part, think about the last time you put on clothes you really liked or had a haircut that suited you, it gives you a little lift. While appearances shouldn’t matter, while you are trying to learn to be more confident it is worth paying some attention so that you can eliminate the voice in your head, and give you that little boost.
Eliminate the negative self-talk. If you listen to yourself you will be surprised at how often in a given day you will run yourself down. Phrases like “Oh I could never do that”, “Wrong again” all add to your psych that you are worthless. Try to notice your successes, accept compliments with a simple “thank you” and compliment others.
Focus on being happy with yourself and doing things which lower and calm your anxiety so that you can value yourself. It may be that you find that the help of a counsellor can help with this process.
There are big advantages to being self-confident both in life and career and with a few simple adjustments you too can be self-confident.