Anxiety is something which we all experience. A normal, if unpleasant part of life, it makes us fearful for the outcome of a set of circumstances. We might feel anxious about the future, we might feel anxious about the past, about an event, a person, a place but we all feel anxiety. It sets our thoughts and imagination racing and often paints a much blacker picture than exists in reality. While we might accept that there is a need for this primitive survival system, even believe that it has relevance in today’s 21st century society. We want to be able to take control of anxiety so that we can function in our lives.
Often we will be able to identify the focus of our anxiety: failing a test, public speaking, talking on the telephone, fears for our health, or dying. If is also possible that our anxiety will be less specific and if we really focus our anxiety tends to be around how we see ourselves or others might see us for example anxious about rejection by a loved one, or that we are a failure, or that we might lose status or success. Understanding where the anxiety comes from makes a big difference in the control of anxiety. By identifying if it is a specific thing or life issue or a combination, you are beginning to ease yourself into the driving seat again.
It’s worth pausing for a moment and realising that control of anxiety, while a good thing is a change for you and like all changes you are likely to make mistakes. Mistakes sometimes make us anxious and question why we are doing things so it’s worthwhile occasionally reminding yourself how much better your life will be when you eliminate anxiety from it.
Back with the fight; when thinking of anxiety for any given situation you will always have things which you do not control and things which you do control. Even if the only thing you can control is your attitude to the situation you will always have that last human freedom. Fortunately most situations offer more choice and there are better ways to take control of anxiety.
The first and most obvious is to challenge your thinking. We can be guilty of thinking about the first step and ending up 5 miles down the road. “I don’t understand the new computer system so I’ll lose my job and we will lose the house and be out on the street” Challenging that thinking to say I don’t understand the new computer system what can I do about that, begins to give you control.
Challenging unhelpful thoughts is useful; my husband is going to leave me. Justify that to yourself with facts not feelings facts, then be the case for the defence. When you start to search for facts you put context with the feeling, and give yourself a basis for any fear and a way of tackling it.
Other controls that you can use involve planning the anxious event. Can you rehearse or plan what you want to say. Could you have someone with you. trying to take the stress out of the moment will reduce the anxiety at the crucial moment.
In each case you are taking control of the anxiety, not by eliminating it but by recognising that there are things that you can do that will make a difference and using those levers to make it work for you. So can you take control of anxiety – you bet you can.