Do you lack self-confidence? Then you are not alone. Many people in the UK suffer from low self-belief and confidence. Yet what can we do to change that and become more confident. If you start to think about self-confidence, then I think you might see that it is not a single thing, when we examine our lives we see things that we are confident at (e.g. Driving or crossing the road) and things we are less sure of.
There is a certain social anxiety that sits alongside of a lack of self-confidence. Perhaps you worry that at your age you should be married or have children, or perhaps it’s a career based goal or even that you would like the confidence to give your opinion and be honest in your conversations. Many people find the thought of speaking in public terrifying almost to the point of paralysis. They look at the confident performances of actors, musicians and performers and wish they could be that confident. Yet those same stars suffer from stage fright, a panic induced by the thought of performance. Big stars like Judi Dench and Billy Connelly have both revealed that they have suffered.
So how do they do it how do they overcome that dread? Experience is part of the solution, just plain practice. Think about learning to swim at first it seems like drowning is the only option, but slowly you get the stroke then swim a breadth then a length and so on.
If it’s not one thing what can you do to improve your confidence?
Practice
As described above practice helps. Act the confident person you want to be, smile even though you dread every minute. Think of a few key phrases that will let you ask people. “Hi I’m Dave, what do you think of the ____”. This will make you approachable and put others at their ease.
Switch off that little nagging voice
You’re not good enough, pretty enough, clever enough. We all have that little nagging voice that chips away at our self-confidence. It seems particularly loud when we are trying something new. Time to take control! Stand up and walk out of your history into a future where you’re doing the best you can and if that’s not good enough well tough. Don’t spend another minute in that negative talk
Don’t run yourself down
If you put a small price on yourself, rest assured no-one is going to raise it. We are so good at telling ourselves how worthless we are. If we believe that what are others to think. If confident people have a trick up their sleeve then it is that ability to celebrate their success. Perhaps that is something that you could do (yes you do have successes). Talk about those hopes and dreams; tell stories about the bits of your life you feel confident about.
Do unto yourself as you would do to others
We seem to judge ourselves by a far higher (even unachievable standard) that we judge others. Often we seem to expect that we should be telepathic. “I should have known they were thinking that”. So if you must judge yourself do so with compassion, do it as though you were giving your friend feedback not your worst enemy.
Spend time with people who care
Support is probably the single most important factor in making changes in your life. They will have your best interest at heart. Sometimes this is not possible, but you can turn to a counsellor who can help you with the changes. Honesty is the key so have someone you can trust someone how you know will help you through the changes.
Summary
If you can challenge yourself then you can be more confident. Little steps lots of support and you can change habits and frustrations in your life.