Our self confidence and self-esteem can seem to desert us at times. Whether it is when we doubt ourselves when criticised or whether it is our opinions being criticised or belittled, when it happens over a period of time it can dent our confidence in ourselves. We find that our behaviour and actions begin to become dependent on what others think rather than ourselves.
Self-confidence shows in many ways, in your reaction to others, in your body language and what and how you say thinks. We work hard to hide and disguise our mistakes and push away those with compliments for us. Often we find ourselves projecting a completely different face to those around us from how we actually feel inside.
If you recognise some of these behaviours perhaps you are asking yourself how you can build your self-confidence. How do you get back to the person you want to be and not the person that others want you to be.
In the first part we need to accept that there might be fear associated with it. We are going to speak up for ourselves and that might be something that we haven’t done for a while. Similarly people around us will not be used to our self-confidence and might have difficulty accepting it. So in preparing to take this step it is important to realise:
- Just because others criticise you doesn’t make them right
- You are entitled to your opinions
- Only you truly know how you think and feel
- People should like you for who you are not who they want you to be
Having accepted the fear that surrounds these changes, let’s start to look at what you can do. First realise that you don’t have to do it all at once. Make small changes that you feel that you can succeed it. That might be as simple as brushing your hair each morning or putting on your make-up, it might be as complex as choosing a new wardrobe to wear. Only you can say what challenge you want to take on. One word of warning, don’t make it too big or something that is unachievable. If you fail your confidence will take a knock and we are trying to build it, not knock it down. Start small and build.
A positive attitude can make a big difference so picture how much better your life will be with these changes. Perhaps there is a symbol or a photo that could remind you of what you are struggling towards and the rewards that await you there.
Do things which are important to you, know what your limits and boundaries are and live within them. Perhaps you do not like alcohol but find yourself going to the pub with your friends every week. Confidence is about asking yourself if you want to go and if you do are you wanting to drink or would you prefer soft drinks.
It’s amazing but if you look confident others perceive you as confident so take care of your appearance and look at your posture and body language. Without sounding like your mothers are you slouching are you standing tall are you speaking slowly in a clear voice. You will be surprised at how well these things will work and the confidence they will bring you.
These represent some of the small things that you can do to improve your confidence. Sometimes it takes more and you need the help of a counsellor to get started. But like building self-confidence if you start small with these things you can build your self-confidence on your own – I am confident of that.