There is a story told of Col. Tom Parker, Elvis Presley’s Manager. The White House phoned and said that President Nixon would like Elvis to come and do a private performance for the president. The colonel agreed a date and asked what the fee would be. “Paid? Don’t you understand it’s the president!” The colonel drew on his cigar and said “Sir, you don’t understand Elvis doesn’t play for free”. Whether this is true or not I think it shows that we all have a value that we place on ourselves. Not as in Elvis’s case a monetary value but one which is about or values and whether our values and principles fit with the environment we find ourselves in.
Perhaps you have had the experience of putting your own plans on hold because you have placed others plans ahead of your own. Of course in the real world this will happen occasionally but if you find that you are doing it all the time perhaps it is time to ask if you place a high enough value on yourself.
If you are not valuing yourself, we begin to see yourself in terms of those around us. “I wonder what they think of me?, “They’ll think I’m stupid if I do that!”. The risk is that we begin to undermine our self belief and lose part of our own identity, we begin to be at the mercy of the whim of fate.
When was the last time you put yourself at the top of the list, have that girls night out when you feel you have to stay at home to cook for your family. Saying no to a night out when you feel to exhausted and are looking forward to the bath and the glass of wine that you promised yourself. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that whatever price you put on your head no-one is going to raise it. So how do you start to raise your value to put yourself first?
Take time to look after yourself, do something for yourself. You need to take time to relax and do things which are important to you. You should also take time to take some exercise and eat healthily.
Get in tune with yourself so listen to yourself so if you are stressed take a break, go for a walk round the building. The world will manage without you for 10 minutes.
Add no to your vocabulary. No is not rejecting people, no is not going to collapse a friendship. It can mean I don’t want to let you down, you are too important to me. Say no when doing the task, the favour or task and it is going to add to your stress.
As you offer yourself some compassion and time then you will start to believe in yourself again. Try to capture some of that joy in your life.