Many clients talk about a lack of confidence. Others feel that people or events hold them back judging their words and actions. This short article asks the reader to take 10 minutes to look at their confidence and see if it can be boosted.
Confidence is the bedrock of making changes in your life, even if you only have confidence that you want to change. What can be done to conquer our fears and make us more confident each day?
It is worth starting by looking at your insecurities perhaps writing them out on a sheet of paper. Perhaps you are afraid of speaking in public, perhaps you are worried you wear the wrong clothes or perhaps you are confused by others around you. Perhaps you are scared that you don’t understand what is going on and don’t want to appear stupid. As you look at each and name it – try to understand what is behind it – was there an experience, was it something someone said perhaps that is the way it was always handled when you were a child. What you are trying to do here is “know your enemy”; this is the first step in doing something about it.
Next we look at our achievements, and not necessarily huge things like running a marathon (but well done if you did) but anything which was a challenge for you and you completed. Perhaps you are afraid of dogs, but you went for a walk in the park, perhaps you spoke to your friend about a difficult subject, perhaps you raised a difficult issue with your manager at work or tried to sort out bullying. Again look at each and try to understand why you achieved it what drove you on through the fear.
By now you are starting to get a more rounded picture of yourself so that you can start to accept the person that you are. We all have successes and failures both small and large. Edison was famous for not calling his failures such but rather another way not to make a light bulb. Try to accept yourself.
You do have confidence, perhaps not where you need it but everyone has some confidence. If you were to be asked your name, you would be able to tell me – you would be confident that you had it right. Similarly you will have other skills you are confident at tying shoelaces, driving a car; speaking to friends and family. You can imagine taking some of that confidence and trying it where you are less confident – perhaps be the first to speak in a new group.
Fear is toxic to confidence, it makes us worry about the” what ifs”, but it is only by taking these chances and acting in a confident manner that things are going to change. Someone once said that one definition of madness was repeating the same actions and expecting different results. So put on that smile, act as confident as you feel when tying your shoelaces and take the chance to be more confident and if it doesn’t work, then like Edison you will have found one more way, not to act in the future so you can move on to the next.