Into every life a little rain must fall goes the old saying. Yet sometimes it feels like a thunderstorm in our relationship. How do you begin to understand why, what is the trouble why have things changed so much?
It is of course important that you are both keep to know the answers to these questions and are prepared to change things for the better. You need to check that you are prepared to work to improve things, and remember that will mean change for both of you not just the person you feel is most at fault.
Indeed playing the blame game almost undermines attempts to change. There may of course be things to apologise for or to ask forgiveness. Good examples would be affairs or addictions that impact the family. Yet if you are to go on there needs to be less looking back and apportioning blame and more how will we move forward from where we find ourselves now. So decide to forgive your partner their past mistakes and move forward and f you can’t or feel you have to keep looking for reasons for a past mistake, perhaps there is a bigger issue that needs solved before you move forward.
Time and talk is perhaps the most rationed thing in a modern relationship. When you first got together, you would spend endless time together talking and checking almost every detail about your partner. Yet as time moves on other things start to come back in to each of your lives and you as a couple. As this process goes on you let go of the space and communication with each other for more important things. After all you understand how your partner feels about… In fact this assumption and mind reading leads to problems not only because some of the time you are wrong but also because you have stopped communicating and asking and so one partner can become upset.
Communication is of course key, making sure that you listen as well as talk in a relationship and it is making this effort to understand the other person that really helps both you and them value the relationship. It perhaps seems clichéd but dressing to go out for dinner together, remembering birthdays and anniversaries help show that you prize the other person, and make part of that celebration time to talk about you as a couple.
If your relationship is in real trouble then it may be time to see a counsellor and they can help you to take steps to find that space and improve your relationship.