There is no single cause of stress in relationships. Indeed we could think of the sources of stress in relationships as coming from external or internal sources. Internal, we could take to mean friction or disagreement between the partners. External, to mean where one or both partners are feeling stressed outside, but that the effects of that are felt inside the relationship.
Many of us choose to simply do nothing about the stress, bottle it up. This is a strategy that is likely to work well for a period of time but the very real danger is the resentment that it allows to build. By preventing yourself dealing with the issue, you also deny yourself the control you have to change the situation. This practice makes many ill thought the stress in relationships and potentially ultimately leads to their destruction. If you would like some tips on dealing with resentment in relationships you can find them here.
Recognising stress in relationships
Identifying the problems between you as stress is the first step. Couples have disagreements, but understanding the substance of those disagreements helps: annoyance, frustration, lack of control may mask bigger issues that are harder to talk about. This is often called identifying the ‘IT’. A good example is arguing over the money spent this month when the reality is you are stressed about your finances.
Stress affects all aspects of our lives this is because of how it makes us behave, act and feel. It is hardly surprising that this impact on our partner, who in turn re-acts to it and the whole saga of stress in relationships, plays outs as action and re-action. Noticing symptoms early and shutting it down lets you have a move honest adult conversation with your partner
Taking control of the stress
Stress in relationships can feel like it is out of control. If only your partner would act this way, if only they would do that and so forth. Remembering that we always control our reaction to events is a great way to keep a leash on our stress. By changing that inner dialog you can change everything: your perception and ultimately your reality. Taking responsibility for your reaction means you begin to deal more honestly with the causes of the stress in relationships.
Learning to communicate
Ultimately people dealing with stress in relationships have to talk to their partner. That means being vulnerable, open and honest enough to take responsibility for your feelings. By doing this you are both addressing not only the symptoms but causes of the stress in your relationship. Talking does not guarantee a solution, but silence guarantees no solution. If you pretend you get a phoney solution, so be brave.
Learn to unwind
Stress management is about getting time to unwind. That means focusing on recharging your batteries, even if only for a short time. That might be a seat for five minutes; a bath, a book, a coffee or a chat on the phone with a friend. The ‘what’ doesn’t matter, it is the regular making stress relief part of your routine that matters, both individually and as a couple.
Stress in relationships can be overcome. Each partner has the ability to support and make a difference. Choosing how you relate to each other you can make a difference to yourself and to each other. It may be that like many others the first step is to go and see a relationship counsellor together.