The relationship tale
Perhaps many in a relationship have dreamt of the fairy tale marriage or of living happily ever after. I am reminded of G.K. Chesterton’s words:” Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten”. While I am not sure he had the relationship in mind when he spoke, his words have a lesson for us all.
The fairy tale ending might be thought of as an extremely happy or fortunate ending. One where there is harmony. There is no arguments and all the ‘baddies’ have been vanquished. In reality though, the relationship does not follow such a linear path. It seems to have a route with ups and downs along the road. In many ways the honeymoon period that we seem to have at the start of a relationship is nearest to the fairy tale romance, with the partners spending time together, sweeping each other off their feet and romantic trysts.
As the relationship develops challenges and compromises start to appear: Who will empty the bins? Which of you will change the beds? Where will we eat Christmas lunch? These relationship situations seem to have slipped by the pen of Messer’s Grimm and Anderson. Yet we know that these problems can be defeated so we can have our happy ending, but how?
Simple steps to enhance your relationship
Work on accepting and understanding your partner. In our metaphor there will come a time when the dragons appear. When that crisis appears the more that you can understand and empathise with your partner in the relationship the easier getting through it will be. Accepting that you are both human and both capable of mistakes can take the sting out of your anger when you feel you have been let down. Learning to empathise with the others struggle to know you and to help them with that benefits both of you.
Your relationship is something that needs maintenance and that is about shared dreams and hopes for your future together. Talking about hopes and dreams, so you share the same fairy tale ending? This is the challenge that faces you so that you grow together and not apart so that you are following the same path, not one of resentment because your Prince Charming is holding you back.
It is important to be real, and not to be false, which is ironic given we are talking of fairy tales, but only by being honest and real about what you need and want can your relationship be real. For if you are not honest who is your partner connecting with.
In the end, by using the communication tools, by understanding, empathising and accepting our partner, we build our connection every day. Our story is written and we move towards the happy ending that we have written for ourselves.