Even the most mild mannered of us gets angry at times. Anger is a difficult but necessary emotion in evolutionary terms it is there to help us in stressful situations where we felt threatened. It produces adrenaline making us more able to take on threats. Anger lets others know how you feel and can be a catalyst for making changes in your life. So there can be a positive side to anger, although it is seen, overall, as an unhelpful negative emotion.
Perhaps this negative view is from experiences when anger lead to violence or shouting, often this anger has its roots in fear or frustration, because anger is an easier emotion to show. We are less vulnerable showing anger. This form of anger can make those on the receiving end feel scared and frightened.
It is clear that how you show your anger is crucial to being understood and having your feelings understood. It is about being deliberate about what you say, being focused on the behaviour or process that is causing your anger and not widening it. Thus if you disagree with a company’s policy on refunds you can be angry with the policy, but not the person delivering the news. If someone does something to anger you, while you do not agree with their behaviour that does not make them a demon. So stay focused.
If you find that your anger is out of control or that you are hurting yourself or those around you then perhaps it is time to seek help for your anger. It has been shown that anger issues if left unchecked can cause problems with mental illness, physical health problems and even addictions as a method of controlling the feelings.
Anger management and therapy can help to start to address the feelings of guilt and shame that can follow an outburst. It can be hard to examine your behaviour and admit to yourself that you have issues that need resolution. Yet many people find that therapies like counselling can make a big difference. The process can help you to lookout for the triggers that drive your anger, for it is them that can drive the unhelpful beliefs which cause us to act in an angry way. By working through these you can choose to have the triggers start different processes which are less destructive.
One of the reasons that people find counselling so helpful with respect to anger management is that the counsellor is not there to judge your actions but rather to help you make sense of your anger and help you to find ways to express your anger. Indeed to uncover the feelings that you do want to share and to work out how you can comfortably do that and be understood.