When we think about relationships and marriages, as well as the happiness and security we also have to include the conflicts that can happen from time to time. Conflict is often seen as a negative thing yet, in a healthy relationship it is important that we can confront issues that affect the relationship. So how can we confront issues without bringing a relationship to its knees?
Before we start looking at the conflict, it is important to remember that a relationship where it has an underlying loving relationship makes it easier to resolve issues. In other words take the opportunities to build your relationship and show how much you mean to each other at the good moments. Deposits of positive feelings will help when it comes to conflict in relationships.
When you do have to address an issue, remember that this is someone you care about so remember to respect them, don’t sulk or roll your eyes if you disagree. These sort of things will put your partner on the defensive and can be seen as dismissive. This does not create an atmosphere that is likely to lead to an agreement or compromise.
When it comes to saying what is wrong, own what you say so starting statements with I feel, I think, or it seemed to me. Again if you talk about you did this or that, the partner will feel that they have to defend themselves and the scope for a discussion will quickly dry up. Similarly if your partner says something unhelpful try to stay focused on the issue and ask your partner to stick to the main issue.
Sometimes things will become too heated or one of the partners will become upset. If that is the case it is often best to take a break and come back to the issue after you both have had a time to gather yourselves.
One of the things that it is easy to lose is sight of the fact that it is less about winning or losing the argument and more about the health or the relationship. So try to build bridges after the conflict, e.g. “I know we disagree, but I do love you” go a long way to make the relationship more positive in the future.
In summary, relationships are important to us and part of the maintenance of relationships will be to confront issues that make us unhappy. Sometimes confrontation can lead to conflict and that can be difficult to deal with. Being respectful and sticking to the issues will help resolve problems and make your relationship stronger.