“It’s that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so ‘don’t fuss, dear; get on with it’.” Audrey Hepburn
It’s easy to put others first there is a seemly endless stream of demands on your time: family, work, friends and community and perhaps a sense that there is very little left over for you. Indeed even if there were you are too tired to do anything about it.
Often, clients arrive in the counselling room run down, perhaps feeling guilty
that they can no longer take the pressure of delivering all that is expected of them by others around them. It’s very easy to put our needs to the bottom of the pile after all it is the only need that we truly control. For example: “I can wait” or “It doesn’t matter” or “Its fine.” This ability to put ourselves last seems particularly easy to slip into when we have a role such as a mother or a caring child or so forth, where we perceive there to be an expectation of how we should behave. This in turn leads to the guilt and the shame if we do not live up to that expectation. You may find yourself becoming frustrated with those around you then in one smooth though process with yourself for thinking that way, that it is you who are wrong.
Yet when we never find the time to put ourselves first to do the things that recharge our batteries, we find it increasingly difficult to meet those expectations of others.
When those clients in therapy begin to talk they realise that in not being selfish and doing some things for themselves they are actually making sure that they will be of help to those that they care about around them. Don’t use all your energy in looking after others, turn those rays on yourself.
However busy you are, find a little time for yourself, even at the expense of others. That way both you and they can reap the rewards of you, looking after yourself.
“It’s that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so ‘don’t fuss, dear; get on with it’.” Audrey Hepburn
It’s easy to put others first there is a seemly endless stream of demands on your time: family, work, friends and community and perhaps a sense that there is very little left over for you. Indeed even if there were you are too tired to do anything about it.
Often, clients arrive in the counselling room run down, perhaps feeling guilty that they can no longer take the pressure of delivering all that is expected of them by others around them. It’s very easy to put our needs to the bottom of the pile after all it is the only need that we truly control. For example: “I can wait” or “It doesn’t matter” or “Its fine.” This ability to put ourselves last seems particularly easy to slip into when we have a role such as a mother or a caring child or so forth, where we perceive there to be an expectation of how we should behave. This in turn leads to the guilt and the shame if we do not live up to that expectation. You may find yourself becoming frustrated with those around you then in one smooth though process with yourself for thinking that way, that it is you who are wrong.
Yet when we never find the time to put ourselves first to do the things that recharge our batteries, we find it increasingly difficult to meet those expectations of others.
When those clients in therapy begin to talk they realise that in not being selfish and doing some things for themselves they are actually making sure that they will be of help to those that they care about around them. Don’t use all your energy in looking after others, turn those rays on yourself.
However busy you are, find a little time for yourself, even at the expense of others. That way both you and they can reap the rewards of you, looking after yourself.