Imagine if you will having to go to the shops to have human contact, laughing and joking with the cashiers. Imagine inviting sales people to your home for quotes you’ll never accept just so that someone comes round. Loneliness is a subject that is rarely talked about. As well as the social isolation, there is the shame and guilt, that perhaps its something about you or that people don’t like or value you. It can be difficult to speak up and ask for help.
One definition of loneliness might be an unpleasant feeling in which you have a strong sense of emptiness resulting from low levels of social relationships. Its not very helpful is it? Perhaps it is because most of us have felt lonely at some point in our lives, but often this is overcome when we meet our families or friends after the absence. However, it is to miss the unending emptiness that seems to inhabit your very being. In a recent study, it was shown that loneliness causes very real health risks: increased blood pressure, a higher incidence of depression and anxiety and even an effect on the immune system. The study concluded loneliness may be as dangerous for our health as smoking or obesity. Paul Burstow (Minister of State for Care Services) at a recent summit on lonliness and old age, said “We are living through an epidemic of loneliness and if we don’ take action, it will have huge consequences for individuals …” Perhaps there is some reason that you are no longer in contact with your family, or that your friends are not around you anymore, perhaps your partner or family has died perhaps you have been forced to move because of family circumstances.
The world has changed social structures have changed as the family has changed, people have to move away for work and perhaps become isolated. Increasingly we live our lives on-line rather than face to face and for some this connection is lacking in many respects. so how do we deal with loneliness, how do we beat this.
Part of the key is understanding what lonliness is: That everyone feels lonley from time to time and that these are perfectly natural feelings, so accept that it is a normal reaction to your evironment. Sometimes it is okay to be alone in fact we crave those moments of solitude, so it is not being on our own that is the problem it is being on our own when we crave social contact. Making any change in your life is difficult especially when you are feeling down, but when you are lonely, you have to take responsibility for that change help yourself to start to make the changes. The key is giving yourself a channel where you can be around people. Perhaps you can make the first move in contacting family or friends even if it has been some time or there is an unhappy history with them. Perhaps you can get involves in local activities, while its great to have an activity you love, sometimes you might have to do something which is less immediately attractive because your purpose is to meet and relate to people.
There is part of this plan which is about taking chances, revealing a little bit more of yourself, taking chances not waiting for someone else to ‘make the first move’ but introducing yourself. Remember that many people feel shy in social situations with unfamiliar people and they may appriecate you taking the lead. Ask if they fancy a coffee or similar, however, remember friendships take time to grow and they need worked at so don’t expect to much too quick. You might consider a pet they offer companionship and if your lifestyle allows it maybe a pet would help, and indeed pets like dogs allow you to meet others.
Finally although relying on the internet for social contact isn’t the greatest thing it can be a good tool for meeting people on relationship sites (not necessarily just for romance).
While a counsellor is not the answer to your loneliness, often they are a useful tool to help you discuss your feelings and to work with you while you are trying out new ways of relating to your world.