Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret
Lawrence J Peter
We all get angry from time to time, sometimes our anger is justified and sometimes it isn’t. Often anger can come as a reaction to events in our lives and then we encounter the straw that breaks the camel’s back and we blow up at the slightest hing and the wrong person. This is very common with stress in the workplace – we hold it together when in the office but are angry and are irratible and angry at home.
Perhaps you have gone into a rage, said things that you regret, but just don’t know what to do next. How do you make it better. This anger and regret cycle is common.
Essentially there are two problems here
- The guilt that you feel from blowing up in the first place
- Changing yourself so that you have control in the future
There are steps you can take
First offer the person a genuine appology, especially with a loved one it is likely to be accepted and they may even want to help you get over your anger. One word about the apology, make it just that don’t try to offer an explanation of the stress, the situation etc. Offer the apology and wait to be asked for an explanation. As soon as you add that “its because…” you start to make the apology less genuine, almost I’m sorry but not for my behaviour that was because of the circumstances and it would have been the same for everyone. See how the apology starts to mean less?
Second forgive yourself, everyone makes mistakes, everyone does things they later regret it is what they do with what they have learned about themselves that makes the difference. Try to work out what is really making you angry, perhaps its possible to identify the triggers that set you off.
The key to the future is understanding what makes you angry and finding a calm way to deal with it.
There are key things you can do straight away when you find your anger rising remove yourself from the situation – this will be hard as you have limited control, go for a walk, go to the bathroom anything that will give you some time to calm down. After you’ve calmed down try to work out what the key issue is for you. Perhaps you feel it is better to explore in writing or with a mind map anything that helps you to identify the issue(s).
You need to tackle these issues perhaps that is direct with the person, talk about how you feel – not what they do. Perhaps you need to reflect on a situation get help for stress or grief counselling or help to resolve the environmental issues. Perhaps you just need time to work through those issues, perhaps they have been around for many years.
Of course many people find this easier with a counsellor and in part that is what considerate counselling can offer you help to get control in your life and you living the life that you hope for. Give us a call if we can help