So often we hold back from speaking our minds. We are scared of others reaction, we are worried about conflict and being challenged. We are worried that we will hurt others feelings so we couch our problems in soft words and kind terms. Although you want to avoid being unnecessarily harsh – should you set aside your opinion so easily, although harsh should your opinion not be heard, for how are others to hear it.
Some commentators suggest that we should be honest and direct in our communication 80% of the time with the other 20% being used to be empathic in the way we say it. So how should you speak your mind
You may be scared of the others reaction so you need to own your opinion. A good was to start is I feel: I feel that you are angry with me all the time; or my opinion is that you are overbearing sometimes. Others cannot tell you how you feel or what your opinion is but they offer the opportunity to have an honest conversation about what is going on. Perhaps they will offer insight, perhaps you will offer them a revelation about something they were unaware of. It is also best to say it and not follow up with justification, just let your opinion stand on its own.
You should not be angry, you want to aim to be honest and calm in explaining your position. If you are angry and aggressive then you will engender these feelings in others so you should avoid that if at all possible. More over if the discussion becomes too heated you should consider a break to allow you to calm down.
If you want to criticise someone it is useful to us a feedback sandwich. This is a special kind of sandwich that nourishes the ego. You start with something positive, then say the negative feedback then finish on a positive. For example “I know that you really care for me, but I don’t like the way that you demand to know where I’m all the time, I know that you do it because you love me”
Whenever you decide to speak your mind you are being genuine and in being that way people can see the real you and can deal with you authentically. Now while that might seem a long way from where you are today but remember you can take it in small steps.