It’s the first flush of a new relationship and you can’t get enough of each other. You try to spend every minute with your love. You are interested in what they are doing and how they are feeling. You hold hands, you cuddle, you spend a lot of intimate time together. As time goes on the relationship changes, it moves from the surreall first flush of romance to the long-term steady state of everyday love and affection, some would say that the relationship becomes routine or even dull.
Perhaps its because we have forgotten the ABC of relationship. Like many couples we feel we are drifting apart as priorities in our lives get in the road of the relationship. So what are the ABC of relationships and how do you integrate them into your life.
A is for Affection. While couples may love each other very much, it is important to keep saying it. While a simple, ‘I love you’is nice, you should go further. You should try to anticipate their needs, show that you care both about them and the things which are important to them. Indeed a study in the 1980’s showed that men who kissed their wives when they left for work get into fewer accidents. There is no reason to believe that women could not tap into this talisman too. Remember to play and enjoy your partners company it all helps to keep the love and affection alive.
B is for Build. A relationship is not a static thing so enjoy being with your partner, create new experiences. It can be great to do nice things for no reason. Sure it can be big things like a holiday, but sometimes its the small things like a smile and greeting your partner with enthusiasm that will mean more. Help your partner to grow, perhaps supporting them in a new venture or in their studies even their hobbies. Most of all keep spontinaiety in the relationship.
C is for Conflict. While it might seem great if there was never any conflict in your relationship it is probably unrealistic to think it won’t happen. All relationships have conflict because there are two people who will have changing and different needs. What is important is how you approach conflict. It is important to be honest about your feelings, it is important to talk about those feelings or how your partners actions make you feel. While it might feel good in the moment to throw accusations or insults at your partner it is rarely constructive adding fuel to the fire and making them defensive. If you do find that the row is getting out of hand you should have a cooling off period and agree to come back to the issue later on. Sometimes the issue can feel like a real war of attrition, so its important to decide what you need, i.e what you must have, and what you want, what you would be prepared to negotiate with. At the end of the day remember that this is not your enemy. It is likely to be that you want your partner to be happy and accepting of the decision, so it is likely to involve some compromise.
While you can fix a relationship that has gone wrong it’s much easier to tend to it every day. Rather like a garden its possible to clear an overgrown garden but much less work and more enjoyable to spend a small time each week pulling out the few weeds.