It is said that 1 in 5 of us have problems in our family relationships. They say that you choose your friends but you can’t choose your family, but the flip side is that your family are always there they don’t drift away like friends can. So given the importance of our relationships with our families what do we need to do to have a family where there is mutual respect and not take each other for granted. Like any relationship it will only work if we work at it. What are the key things that we need to do if we are to make them work.
Communication is perhaps the single most important factor. However, we have to remember that communication is a two way process it is as important to listen as it is to talk. You could perhaps agree with your family that no-one should shout or that when one person talks everyone else listens. It’s important to make sure that everyone has a chance to talk including children.
Almost every family has secrets, some are serious and some are more about sparing embarrassment. Yet secrets become dangerous when as a result of them family members are damaged or hurt by them, so if a family member needs support as a result, be prepared to talk about the secret and be prepared to help them (even if that is outside of the family).
Often it’s simple failures in communication that can sabotage relationships. Things like borrowing clothes without asking, or toys or perhaps it’s not doing your fair share of the chores. Ask before you borrow, if you feel upset about something say so in a calm assertive manner, don’t fume and suffer in silence.
Of course this is part of the second important part of supporting family relationships. That is respect; treat others as you expect them as you expect to be treated yourself. Always respect others property and any private information you might know about them.
Again it is often the simple things, saying thank you. I know one family who always toasted the cook(s) after a big meal to reflect the thanks they felt for the feast prepared. So don’t take the person who gives you a lift or who does your washing for granted say thank you.
Almost inevitably there are going to be fights and disagreements, but you should use the communication guidelines to talk through the problem, don’t hold grudges. If you do you risk poisoning the relationship, one or both of you are going to feel unequal, be honest with each other and sort it out. If you find that you have done something you regret step us and say you are sorry so that you can put it behind you.
In conclusion, families are a complex mix of relationships sometimes they will be easy sometimes they will be harder. Perhaps the hardest thing is to be realistic about the relationships and trust your family with your feelings and thoughts. But if you hold to the key skills in the family of communication and respect, you are setting yourself and your family up for success.