This and other blogs have long expressed the opinion that problems in relationships are caused by problems in communication. There is a simple test that you can try with your partner to see if you do communicate effectively and can agree on a result you are both happy with.
- First take an object that had meaning for both of you (It must be small enough to be held). For example: a photograph or a piece of jewellery, an ornament or such.
- Both of you should now hold a piece of that object. Now you have 5 minutes in which to discuss who is to have the object at the end of the time. You can conduct the discussion in any manner you like but at the end of the 5 minutes one of you must hold the object.
In the relationship test, we learn a lot about ourselves as a couple. Did one of you dominate the conversation? Did you both get a chance to be heard? Did you feel understood? Did you feel part of the decision? If you straight away gave the object away or were given the object with no discussion what does that say about your relationship.
In the exercise I hope that you will see there is an opportunity to look at your communication how do you as a couple communicate is it truly equal, is that what you want? When trying this couples often have a “eureka” moment when they see how decisions and discussions are in the relationship and why they are not comfortable with them.
What is the correct solution to this problem? There is not one, the solution is to communicate effectively with your partner and that comes with openness, honesty and practice.