Key-signs-that-you-might-need-relationship-counselling
Perhaps you are considering relationship counselling because of infidelity. Infidelity always effects relationships it is an undeniable sign that at least one partner has issues be they physical or emotional that are not being met. So as well as being a crisis infidelity is also a sign of a crisis and one reason that you might want to get relationship counselling.
Jennifer and Bob had come to relationship counselling after Bob had an affair with a family friend. Jennifer described the hurt of finding out like ripping her heart out and pouring salt on the wound. Shock and rage had run through her body and she threw Bob out of the house. As the days went on she realised that she had questions about what had happened and while furious at Bob came to realise that she wasn’t ready to give him up.
Jennifer’s experience is common of people entering relationship counselling that moment of finding out that brings your world crashing down, even if you suspected something was happening. Mixed in with the anger though is a sense of loss, a loss of the dream of a commited relationship, loss of the bond of trust. This sudden destruction of a person’s world is almost universal in relationship counselling.
Jennifer chose to throw Bob out, yet this is often not the best idea. Not through compassion for the betrayer, but rather to let you try to make sense of what has happened, to ask some of the questions. In relationship counselling it is common to hear:
- Why did it happen?
- Were they ever here in our home?
- What’s wrong with me?
- Did you ever consider us?
- And many, many more.
So don’t make that decision in that moment of anger, wait till you are surer about your feelings and what you want to happen next, when you have taken stock of your emotions and the information.
One of the main reasons that people are in relationship counselling is to try to move on. This is not an easy step as it is easy to become trapped by what has happened. It is easy not to grieve for the loss of the relationship you thought you had. Of course the partner must cut all ties with the person the affair was with.
The evidence is that most couples leaving relationship counselling feel they have a stronger relationship and preventing the corrosive feelings and not neglecting the relationship – but rather working at it.