Unexpressed emotions can affect our mental health
Unexpressed emotions can appear in unexpected and destructive ways, as famously noted by Sigmund Freud’s assertion, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” Consider a scenario where you and your best friend or partner attend a long-awaited party, eagerly anticipating an evening of socializing and connection away from the pressures of daily life. However, as the night progresses, they seem to neglect you, focusing on others, oblivious to your need for connection and leaving you feeling upset, embarrassed, and betrayed. Despite this inner turmoil, you hesitate to confront them, perhaps out of exhaustion from previous conflicts or doubt about their ability to understand your perspective. Perhaps you fear that they will abandon the relationship. Consequently, you suppress these negative emotions, burying them deep within.
Fast forward weeks, months, or even years later, and the accumulated pressure of unexpressed emotions reaches a boiling point, erupting in unexpected outbursts of rage directed at unsuspecting targets (your partner, your children as road rage etc). Minor incidents trigger overwhelming feelings of anger, loneliness, and frustration, leading to a spiral of depression and anxiety, because you feel that your feelings and needs are never met.
Fortunately, it doesn’t have to reach this catastrophic emotional breaking point before taking action. It’s important to acknowledge the significance of addressing unexpressed emotions promptly to prevent their uncontrolled resurgence later.
Dealing with unexpressed emotions in a healthy way
Perhaps the healthiest response to unexpressed emotions often involves direct communication with the person involved. In the aforementioned scenario, openly expressing your feelings of anger and betrayal to them fosters honest dialogue and facilitates emotional processing. Using phrases like “it made me feel x when you y” can help to focus on your experience rather than starting conflict.
Yet, there are instances where direct expression may not be feasible, and emotions are directed towards absent parties or situations. In such cases, we have to find an alternative outlet for our emotional release, such as journaling or engaging in creative or physical activities, can aid in processing and decompression.
Ultimately, the goal is to reach a place of acceptance regarding the emotional impact of past events. By acknowledging and understanding the role these emotions played in shaping our experiences, their hold over our future diminishes, allowing us to move forward unencumbered.
For individuals struggling with persistent unexpressed emotions, seeking guidance from a counsellor or therapist can provide valuable support in navigating the emotional processing journey and initiating healing.
How can counselling help me?
In counselling we have a safe and neutral environment to process some of our feelings and with emotional support focus on coping strategies and ways to build boundaries we feel we can hold.