The end of a relationship
Sometimes no matter what is said or what you try the relationship comes to an end. It may have been your choice to end the relationship; it may have been your partner’s. Yet however, you arrived the reality of the loss of your relationship and it is that you have to face and accept.
So do you pull on your pyjamas and head for the fridge and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s finest? What is the best way to deal with the end of a relationship?
Notice that you will have difficult mixed feelings. You are ending a relationship that you built up over months and years. While there may be many feelings and actions, you are angry and upset about, there will be moments of fondness for the good times you spent together. Perhaps you will even miss certain shared rituals and moments.
We often spend a large amount of time and energy after it is over, trying to find a reason. Why did he do it? How could she treat me this way? In reality, knowing the reason will not help the pain you feel at the loss. You will still need to work through your anger, sadness and loss. It is simpler and better to accept that the relationship is over.
Give yourself time and take care of yourself. This might seem obvious but with your world changing, even collapsing around you it can be easy to let things slide. Surround yourself with people who you trust and that can help. Perhaps they can listen or perhaps they can do the practical. It is important not to cut yourself off.
Recovering from a break up
People often say that time is a great healer, it’s not true but time changes how you feel about what happened. You get different, new perspectives, perhaps new information certainly new experiences. The feelings of hurt and resentment recede and although you may never come to see it as a good thing, you can perhaps stop thinking of it as the end of the world.
Counselling is not required for your recovery, yet if you find yourself stuck, if you feel that you are going in circles or that your friends cannot help perhaps the time has come to look for the support of a counsellor to deal with the end of the relationship.