Difficult to talk about, discrimination, isolation, guilt and shame all words associated with self-harm. Self-harm is largely misunderstood and it can be difficult to have a conversation free of judgement. Yet if you are to change, how do you do that in such a difficult and daunting environment?
There are many reasons behind self-harm, Continue reading
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways”, many have lived the reality of Sigmund Freud’s words. Consider the situation where you and your partner are at a party, you have been looking forward to it for weeks, a chance to socialise a chance to be together away from the pressures of everyday life. Yet Continue reading
Self-esteem is a difficult thing to define exactly, but a working definition might be the value or the confidence we have in ourselves. Studies have shown that low self-esteem is a learned behaviour. Often we will take on false beliefs about ourselves and treat them as if they are true. We may get a new outfit and meet one of our friends for lunch and they say, “That’s new and very bold” which we hear as a judgement. We falsely believe that we have made too bold (an unwise) choice. Continue reading
Conflict – A common problem
Do you run from conflict? Would you rather put up with almost anything than risk a disagreement and argument? Then perhaps you are one of the many who are not confident with conflict. Faced with conflict we take to flight, we hide from the feelings that are bound to follow a confrontation. Continue reading
Feelings, express them, repress them, shout them or smother them, but we all have them. How we express our feelings can make a big difference to how we relate to others and to how well our relationships work. If we can express feelings in a way that connects us to friends and family then they strengthen the bonds between us. Sharing feelings are a big part of how we cope with and get through events and situations. When we have negative feelings and we repress them they can fester ready to explode out and cause problems later on. Continue reading
When talking about listening skills, the well-known speaker and author Stephen R. Covey once said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” This will match many people’s experience of listening skills where they feel misunderstood and find themselves defending a position rather than discussing or gaining deeper insight.
Why are listening skills so useful?
Listening at any time is important Continue reading
The relationship tale
Perhaps many in a relationship have dreamt of the fairy tale marriage or of living happily ever after. I am reminded of G.K. Chesterton’s words:” Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten”. While I am not sure he had the relationship in mind when he spoke, his words have a lesson for us all. Continue reading