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infidelity

Save your relationship today

Wondering if you should save your relationship? Are there moments when you would pack your bags and leave and others where you long to go back to simpler times when you knew each other? You are not unusual and many people before you have struggled with problems in their relationship and don’t know what to do to save it. It seems that things are going from bad to worse and there is nothing you can to save your relationship. Continue reading

Dealing with the end of a relationship

The end of a relationship

The end of a relationship is never easy. You can find yourself dealing with an array of difficult emotions. Regardless of how the relationship ended, whether by choice, mutual agreement or choosing to go your separate ways, there are painful emotions that have to be dealt with. Continue reading

The life of a relationship

RelationshipHuman society seems hardwired for relationships. Watching young children play they naturally form alliances and regularly fall out. They have best friends who can quickly become enemies. It would seem then that we are programed to have relationships.

It perhaps seems obvious why we might want a relationship with others there is a sense of belonging something that gives us positive strokes and perhaps nourishes our lives. Of course there are different degrees of relationship some are of acquaintances and some of lifelong partners.  Continue reading

Relationship – is it really the end?

BetrayedThere is little doubt that an affair is a catastrophic event in any relationship. The betrayal can drive the partners apart through anger, hurt, and feeling let down. Often partners talk of never being able to trust their partner again. Yet when an affair explodes into a marriage it need not be the end of the relationship.

Clearly it will depend on the individuals and a commitment to make the relationship work, but there is a sense in which it offers the opportunity perhaps forces the partners to take a hard look at the deeper issues that they may have. Continue reading

Time and talk in a relationship

CouplesunsetInto every life a little rain must fall goes the old saying. Yet sometimes it feels like a thunderstorm in our relationship. How do you begin to understand why, what is the trouble why have things changed so much?

It is of course important that you are both keep to know the answers to these questions and are prepared to change things for the better.  You need to check that you are prepared to work to improve things, and remember that will mean change for both of you not just the person you feel is most at fault. Continue reading

Relationship counselling and affairs

AnxiousThe shock of discovering your partner has had an affair can be overwhelming. The physical pain of the betrayal, all make it seem like the relationship is over. For many they know at that point that there is no way back that the relationship is over. What if you feel on reflection that you would like to try to salvage your relationship what next.

Most people want to know the details. Who, when, where, it is important that the wronged partner can hear honestly the detail of the affair, if they want even if that is painful for them. Being honest signals that there really is a desire to move past the infidelity and commit once again to their partner Continue reading

Relationship counselling and affairs

Key-signs-that-you-might-need-relationship-counselling

Perhaps you are considering relationship counselling because of infidelity.  Infidelity always effects relationships it is an undeniable sign that at least one partner has issues be they physical or emotional that are not being met.  So as well as being a crisis infidelity is also a sign of a crisis and one reason that you might want to get relationship counselling.

Jennifer and Bob had come to relationship counselling after Bob had an affair with a family friend. Jennifer described the hurt of finding out like ripping her heart out and pouring salt on the wound. Shock and rage had run through her body and she threw Bob out of the house.  As the days went on she realised that she had questions about what had happened and while furious at Bob came to realise that she wasn’t ready to give him up.

Jennifer’s experience is common of people entering relationship counselling that moment of finding out that brings your world crashing down, even if you suspected something was happening. Mixed in with the anger though is a sense of loss, a loss of the dream of a commited relationship, loss of the bond of trust. This sudden destruction of a person’s world is almost universal in relationship counselling.

Jennifer chose to throw Bob out, yet this is often not the best idea. Not through compassion for the betrayer, but rather to let you try to make sense of what has happened, to ask some of the questions. In relationship counselling it is common to hear:

  • Why did it happen?
  • Were they ever here in our home?
  • What’s wrong with me?
  • Did you ever consider us?
  • And many, many more.

So don’t make that decision in that moment of anger, wait till you are surer about your feelings and what you want to happen next, when you have taken stock of your emotions and the information.

One of the main reasons that people are in relationship counselling is to try to move on. This is not an easy step as it is easy to become trapped by what has happened. It is easy not to grieve for the loss of the relationship you thought you had.  Of course the partner must cut all ties with the person the affair was with.

The evidence is that most couples leaving relationship counselling feel they have a stronger relationship and preventing the corrosive feelings and not neglecting the relationship – but rather working at it.