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How to fight your partner

Many couples come to relationship counselling talking about conflict. While the conflicts may be about important issues, a problem of equal value is often the way that the issue is discussed.  In fact talking about the issue is an issue!

Perhaps one of the best skills that any couple can have is a way to deal with conflict, a set of principles or rules by which they can discuss their relationship issues that keep them respectful of each other and on track for finding a solution that they can both accept.

Some of the very basics are important. Know what you are arguing about.  Continue reading

Even the mild mannered get angry

Even the most mild mannered of us gets angry at times. Anger is a difficult but necessary emotion in evolutionary terms it is there to help us in stressful situations where we felt threatened. It produces adrenaline making us more able to take on threats.  Anger lets others know how you feel and can be a catalyst for making changes in your life. So there can be a positive side to anger, although it is seen, overall, as an unhelpful negative emotion. Continue reading

Anger up close

Several studies have shown that we seem to be getting angrier as a nation. It isn’t clear why this is but some of the main culprits are undoubtedly the pace of modern life, stress and pressure and the proximity and demands of others. Perhaps there is a time that you have become angry then later regretted it or felt that you went too far.

It is worth taking a look at the process of anger and seeing if we can understand what is happening. Continue reading

Controlling anger – know your enemy

AngerOne of the more difficult emotions to deal with is anger. Yet it seems everywhere in our society today. Road rage, office rage even trolley rage seem to have hit the headlines in the past 12 months.

Of course anger is not entirely a bad thing, like many of the things we see as difficult behaviours, it is an evolutionary system that hasn’t quite caught up with our 21st century lifestyle. Anger is a very effective way of showing when one human has transgressed the boundary of another. Continue reading

Take control of your anger today

AngerWhile anger has its place if anger is not managed it can become a very dangerous thing.

“He’s just cut in front of me”; “Why is it always me that clears the kitchen”; “how dare they say that!” We all get angry at some time. Perhaps we are treated unfairly or with no respect or you feel you have to defend yourself. There is that moment when anger grips us and we seem to lose control in our need to get something changed and changed now. Continue reading

Confront conflict in relationships

When we think about relationships and marriages, as well as the happiness and security we also have to include the conflicts that can happen from time to time. Conflict is often seen as a negative thing yet, in a healthy relationship it is important that we can confront issues that affect the relationship. So how can we confront issues without bringing a relationship to its knees?

Before we start looking at the conflict, it is important to remember that a relationship where it has an underlying loving relationship makes it easier to resolve issues. In other words take the opportunities to build your relationship and show how much you mean to each other at the good moments. Deposits of positive feelings will help when it comes to conflict in relationships. Continue reading

Jingle all the day (and night)

Family at ChristmasI can’t believe I saw my first Christmas tree today. Ok so it was a small one advertising a pub’s Christmas menu but there it sat for all to see. It often strikes me that Christmas can be one of the most difficult times of year. The air is thick with anticipation and expectation. “Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the day (and the night)!” We are supposed to be happy full of cheer, yet it puts more pressure on families and relationships than at almost any time of the year. Continue reading