The shock of discovering your partner has had an affair can be overwhelming. The physical pain of the betrayal, all make it seem like the relationship is over. For many they know at that point that there is no way back that the relationship is over. What if you feel on reflection that you would like to try to salvage your relationship what next.
Most people want to know the details. Who, when, where, it is important that the wronged partner can hear honestly the detail of the affair, if they want even if that is painful for them. Being honest signals that there really is a desire to move past the infidelity and commit once again to their partner
You need to find a way to discuss the affair. You should however, make sure that that is in a controlled way so agree to talk about it for an hour or
with a counsellor. Revisiting all day every day will only push you further apart and lead to fights from entrenched positions. Part of this conversation will be about the environment the affair happened in. This is not to excuse the affair but rather it gives insight into what both partners feel is missing from the relationship. Remember it is NEVER the fault of the faithful partner.
You should not decide to go or stay immediately you should try to communicate with your partner ( potentially with a therapist) and then decide. Sometimes as a process of the therapy you will realise it will never get better and you have to go your separate ways. Sometimes you will find that (curiously) it strengthens your relationship.
Recovering the trust takes time and often the faithful partner is pushed to trust sooner rather than later. They must be given the space to get there in their own time or they simply will find impossible to be trusting. It is also true that they need to stop going back to the affair and using it to brow beat their partner. While it will be talked about at the start, if you are to move on there needs to be a statute of limitations where it is no longer brought up, or the unfaithful partner will not be able to commit always having to hide who they are and fearing another argument over the affair.
In summary people do recover from affairs and go one to have great relationships, but it takes work, commitment and honesty and only you can judge if you are both up for that.