Feeling better about yourself
Feeling better about yourself – Can you?
Part of being human is to have times when we are feeling insecure about ourselves. How do you then, feel better about yourself? The trigger can be anything from a text message with an unusual tone, through people seeming to treat you differently, or perhaps things just seem to be going badly and you can’t seem to bounce back. You want to focus on feeling better about yourself, but are not sure where to start. How do you navigate the maelstrom of negativity and start the process of feeling better about yourself?
How do we get started
Perhaps the first thing to realise is that you are going to have to exact some control even though you may feel that you have none. You may not be able to change many things in your life but you can work on your thoughts and thought process. A good place to start feeling better about yourself is to challenge negative thoughts. Instead of putting your energy into beating yourself up look at the situation in as positive a light as you can muster. Thus I can’t believe I’ve made this mistake again I’m such a fool becomes I’ve made the same mistake again, what can I change to prevent me doing this again. This values your process in feeling better about yourself and your ability to change yourself.
Related to this is a temptation to compare ourselves to other people. It is rather like the grass always being greener on the other side of the fence. It is difficult to think someone is much better than you while trying to make a conscious effort in feeling better about yourself. When we take a moment to think, the reality is we tend to notice the positives about others and ignore the negatives and do the opposite with ourselves. We tend to brush away compliments as though the person has made a mistake, yet that person is seeing you from the outside and noticing your positives. One of the ways you can start feeling better about yourself is to write down or record 3 things that you like or have liked about yourself.
Of course you may feel that everything is bleak and you have nothing to offer. Perhaps then you should set yourself the challenge of proving that. Image you were in a court how would you prove the negative assertion with facts. You must remember that feelings and what you think other people think or their manner are not facts, only your interpretation of them is. Thus my mother in law is always angry with me is unlikely to be a fact; I experience my mother in law as an angry person is a fact. The difference is that you can choose to do something about the second case.
Feeling better about yourself in reality means taking better care of yourself. In part of course that if about looking after your health and wellbeing, but it is also remembering to put yourself first some of the time. It is easy to be selfless and think about others. Some of the time however you must come to the top of the pile. It allows you to re-connect with who you are your values and your connection to the world. It needn’t be a grand plan it might be a walk in the park, a coffee, a bath or reading a book, the point is to choose something that refreshes you.
Finally they say that no man is an island, well that is true of women too. There is lots of research to show that we do better when we have a strong social circle. If you want to do something about feeling better about yourself you need to connect with people and that might be through a hobby or an interest in might be through a church or a social group like a dance or night class but take up the challenge and meet someone interesting.
Counselling can help get you stated on feeling better about yourself so consider booking some sessions with a counsellor if you think the support would make a difference.